Worth It
by Rowena DeVandal
Summary: From human to mutant and back again. Rogue's thoughts on her journey. Unrelated to my main series. One shot written for the Writers Anonymous challenge.


**AN: **This was written for the "Writers Anonoymous" writing challenge. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot for this story.

* * *

**Worth It**

**By Rowena DeVandal**

I did it. I went back and forth a thousand times, wondering if this was the right decision, but I did it. I took the cure.

It just got to be too hard for me, not being able to touch anyone. I would look all around me; see all these people holding hands, hugging, kissing and I would get so angry. Why did this happen to me? How could I have gone to bed perfectly normal and have everything go so wrong the next morning just because David kissed me? What did I ever do to deserve this?

There was no way I could stay at home after that. Oh, my mom and dad said they understood that it wasn't my fault. That it was just a genetic anomaly, but I was still their daughter and they loved me. But I could see it in their eyes, in the way they'd flinch if I got too close to them in hallway or reaching for the biscuits at dinner. They loved me, but they were afraid of me. Hell, _I _was afraid of me, so I don't blame them one bit.

So I left. I packed up some things in my dad's old Army duffel and just took off. I didn't even know if David was going to be all right or if he'd end up dead because of me. I can say that the little bit of him that stayed in my head wasn't nearly as upset about as I thought he would be. Of course, that could have been wishful thinking on my part, but that inner David said that the worst part wasn't that I'd done that to him, but that I was obviously a mutant and that was what bothered him the most. I don't know which one is worse, really. I mean, I could have killed him, but he's most upset that I'm a mutant? I wonder if he'd feel the same if I'd shot him or something instead.

Anyway, I left, deciding that I'd hitchhike up to Anchorage like I'd planned to do after high school. So what if I left a couple years early? It's not like I would have been able to stay at my regular school anyway. That deep in the South, people still have a tendency to give kids who aren't white a hard time. I'd hate to see what they would have done with a mutant. But you should already know how this part of the story ends, since I met Logan on the way and he saved my life. Twice in fact, though he doesn't know that it's been more than that, thanks to the inner Logan I have now because of the two times I absorbed him.

It took years for me to get used to this, though. Sure, all the teachers at the school treated me like I was a regular kid. They treated us all that way, because they wanted us to feel like we were just normal people with special talents that other people don't have. Like Mozart and his composing or Van Gogh and his painting. But we're not Mozarts or Van Goghs, we're mutants. No one ever tried to kill a composer or an artist because of what they can do.

But that day they announced the cure? I didn't know what to feel. Part of me was more than a little pissed off – although I think that might have been partially the inner Logan and partially the inner Magneto – but the biggest part of me was excited. I could get rid of this killer skin of mine and finally have a normal life! I mean, who wouldn't want that? To be rid of this awful thing that didn't have any real use except to borrow other people's powers for a minute? Sure, we'd figured out a way for me to take just what I wanted, then push it back when I was done, but that didn't mean I'd ever get more control than that.

And to be perfectly honest, I was sick of it. Sick of wearing gloves all the time, long sleeves in the summer, sick of the scarves and hoods and not being able to run barefoot. I hadn't been in a swimming pool in three years. Do you know how awful that is? And Bobby…

That was the worst, really, and what helped me shut my inner demons up once and for all. I saw him with Kitty that night I left, skating and holding hands and…kissing. At least, it looked like they were kissing and who could blame him? The only time I kissed him, I could have killed him and he knew it. Sure, my inner Bobby says he didn't mind, he wanted it as much as I did, but damn it I wanted a real life! And as long as my skin was toxic to touch, there was no way I could have it.

So, I did it. I took the cure.

It's funny, really, looking back on that. I sat in that waiting room and watched all these people going in who had fur or feathers, horns and scales. One woman came in with a boy about fifteen years old that looked normal, until he looked around the waiting room. Ever seen an owl look all around? Or that movie, "The Exorcist"? Yeah, he did that. Creepiest thing I ever saw.

But a lot of the people didn't have any obvious mutations. Most of them just looked normal, like I do. But they must have had something about them that was screwed up, something bad enough to make them want to get rid of it. But mutants are all really used to never talking about what they can do, even amongst themselves, so I didn't have the nerve to ask.

I must have waited a couple hours, going back and forth in my own head, arguing with all my inner people, wondering if this really was the right thing to do. But they finally called my name and at first, I didn't know whom they were calling for. No one had called me "Marie" in so long, not since I'd become "Rogue" in the first place. Well, Logan would from time to time, especially if I was screwing up in the Danger Room or trying to sneak out for a bit of fun. They actually called me three times before I realized they were calling for me.

Let me tell you, that experience is not something I will ever repeat as long as I'm alive! They said it could be a little jarring, that I might experience some discomfort or disorientation, but that didn't begin to cover the way it actually felt. It felt like my veins were on fire, like every nerve ending was exposed and being rubbed with broken glass. I felt dizzy and nauseous, my vision went all blurry and it felt like it would never end.

But it did, after five of the longest minutes of my life. They helped me sit up, handed me a glass of water and asked me if everything was all right. I didn't know, not for certain, and I hadn't taken my gloves off while they did it. So I stripped one off and reached out to touch one of the nurses. I remember, my hand was shaking like I had palsy or something; I was sweating even though I felt ice cold. What if it was a lie? What if it didn't take? What if I still had a smidgen of Logan's healing factor and it threw off the cure like it threw off everything else? But the nurse smiled at me and took my hand. I waited to feel it, that pulling sensation as my skin drained everything out of the person I was touching.

It never happened. I must have held that nurse's hand for fifteen minutes, so enthralled with the feeling of skin on my skin, like I'd never felt it before. And I was crying, my whole body filled with this unbridled joy at that simple touch. I grabbed that poor nurse and hugged her, laughing and crying at the same time, but she understood and hugged me back, then held out a trash bag with a knowing smile on her face. I smiled back, tore off my other glove and my scarf and threw them all away. It was over. I was free.

On my way back to the mansion, I heard about the attack on Alcatraz on the news. Magneto had gathered hundreds of mutants to lay waste to the lab that produced the cure and knowing him, destroy the source of it too. I didn't know it at the time, but the source was actually a mutant, this kid named Jimmy. His mutation cancelled out other mutations, suppressing them somehow. But as I watched the live news feed, I felt terrible. My friends were there, fighting to defend the cure, because free will is the right of all people. And a little twinge went through me as I realized that I should be there too, helping them out. I was an X-Man; it was my duty to protect people from harm.

Only, I wasn't an X-Man anymore. I didn't have any powers, I wasn't a mutant; I'd taken the cure. I started to panic, wondering for the first time if I'd thought this through completely. Being a mutant had been hard and it sucked so bad sometimes I wanted to scream, but it also made it possible for me to help people. Sure, I'd have to borrow someone's powers to be of any _real_ use, but was that really so bad? Was a kiss worth someone's life because I'd been selfish and taken the cure?

I changed my travel plans right then and there; taking a non-stop flight to New York instead of the train I'd planned on taking. They had a radio station that was giving a live play-by-play of everything that had happened and I was in even more of a panic when I heard that a lot of mutants had been killed. None of them had been identified yet though and I worried every minute that maybe Bobby or Storm or even Kitty hadn't made it.

The cab ride back to the mansion seemed to take forever, but I finally got back and I ran right up to Bobby's room. I threw the door open, but it was empty. I looked all over for him, but I couldn't find him anywhere. As I was passing one of the big windows in the upstairs hall, I glanced outside and saw him sitting out there with Piotr. I was so very relieved I almost collapsed. I turned to go back to the stairs and ran smack into Logan.

"Hey kid, watch where you're goin'," he said, and then frowned when he saw my bare hand on his arm. He looked at me and he seemed disappointed. "You did it."

I nodded. "Yeah, I did." I looked down, afraid to meet his eyes. "I had to Logan! Ya don't understand what it's like to never touch anyone, for any reason!"

"Maybe I don't, Marie. But I sure hope ya made the right decision."

"I made the only decision that I could make. I couldn't live like that anymore!"

"I just hope ya don't live to regret it."

We stood there for a minute, me not looking at him, though I could feel him looking at me. "I heard about Alcatraz," I finally said. "Everyone okay?"

"As well as can be expected," he replied. His tone was heavy with sadness and I looked up at him. "Ya missed a lot."

"I guess so. Logan, what happened?"

He didn't say anything for a long time and finally turned towards his room. He paused at the door and sighed. "I had to kill Jean," he said and pushed the door open. I went after him, but the door slammed in my face and I heard him turn the lock. I knew there would be no prying him out of there until he was good and ready, so I went to my own room to unpack.

I'd just put the last thing away and sat down when Bobby came in. "You're back," he said and I stood up.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I had to."

"This isn't what I wanted."

"I know. It's what I wanted." He looked down and I reached out and took his hand. I'd never realized it before, but his skin is a little bit cold. I smiled and leaned into him, wrapping my arms around him. He leaned down and put his cheek on top of my head as he hugged me. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this."

"Rogue, why did you…"

I pulled away a little and looked into his eyes. "Marie. My name's Marie."

He smiled and pressed his forehead to mine. "Marie, why did you do it? It wasn't…you didn't do it for _me_, did you?"

I shook my head. "No, I did it for me. I did it so I can touch people without being afraid of it. I did it because I need people to be able to touch me. I did it so I could _live_."

He smiled at me, that special smile I always knew was just for me, then leaned down and kissed me. It wasn't super passionate or anything, just a soft little kiss, but it warmed me to the very tips of my toes. I couldn't help but smile and laugh a little, and he pulled me back into his embrace. "You do realize this doesn't change anything, right?"

I let him go and looked up. "What do ya mean?"

"Just because I can touch you now doesn't mean we're going to fall right into bed. Some things are worth waiting for and that would most definitely be one of them." I laughed again and he hugged me. "But right now, I have Danger Room. Meet me for dinner?"

"Absolutely." He kissed me again before leaving, his fingers lingering in my hand just a moment longer than necessary.

I did it. I took the cure. And it was worth it.


End file.
